The article titled How Soccer Is Ruining America: A Jeremiad by Stephen H. Webb is an article that defends the importance of soccer in the United States.This article cleverly defends its pro-soccer position by using satire and dramatizing the opposing camp's opinion that Soccer is a poison to society, and will cause the eventual downfall of the United States. Webb uses four sub-points including the questioning of using your unholy feet and not the hands god gave you, the skills it refrains from teaching kids, the foreignness of the game, and the fact that soccer is for girls in his work to support his main argument. The author uses rhetorical strategies such as simile and allusion in his writing to add to the mockery of the opposing position. An example of the not too solid reasoning that Webb uses is discovered in the first line describing his first point, that feet are unholy and hands are favored by God. The author starts off this paragraph by stating that, “Any sport that limits you to using your feet, with the occasional bang of the head, has something very wrong with it.” This declarative statement is not reinforced by any sort of factual evidence, and is indeed just a statement of the author’s staged, biased opinion. Later on in the paragraph Webb uses an allusion to the Bible to explain that God gave humans hands to separate them from animals: “We have the thumb, an opposable digit that God gave us to distinguish us from animals that walk on all fours.” By stating this, Webb is implying that feet are not favorable to God, and therefore any sport or activity that involves the feet is primordial and unholy. He adds to this notion by relating the use of the hands to a sport and holy activity to show how they are good and soccer is not: “The thumb lets us do things like throw baseballs and fold our hands in prayer.” In the paragraph describing his second point, about how soccer refrains from breaking kids down before building them up, Webb endorses the sport that he played as a kid, baseball. The author uses two similes to characterize the embarrassment and reward of playing baseball. Webb describes the embarrassment of swinging at the ball knowing that you were probably going to strike out: “…it was like having all your friends invited to your home to watch your dad force you to eat your vegetables.” By using this simile, Webb attempts to relate to the audience how embarrassing it was to strike out in front of your friends. According to him, this was great for kids because it broke them down and showed them failure. On the other hand, he writes that there was also great reward and excitement associated with standing at the plate: “Striding up to the plate gave each of us a chance to act like we were starring in a Western movie…” By using this simile to compare the experience of batting to an action packed western, Webb reveals how baseball builds kids up after breaking them down. Webb attacks the subject of gender equality, by saying that soccer is meant for girls because they are not meant to play any other sport. He explains very bluntly that, “Girls are too smart to waste an entire day playing baseball, and they do not have the bloodlust for football.” He then goes on to explain why, in his adopted; biased opinion, soccer is ideal for women and not men: “…soccer mimics the paradigmatic feminine experience of childbirth, more than the masculine business of destroying your opponent with insurmountable power.” With this sexist comment, Webb taking a jab at the other camp by saying that that they believe in a patriarchal society and the inequality of sexes. Overall, the author of this article formulates his point according to his thesis, uses rhetorical strategies to enhance his work, and uses evidence to support his points. His article is a clever piece of satire that strengthens his pro-soccer argument by completely discounting the opinions of the other camp. From using sexist ideals in support of his statements, to saying “Conservative suburban families, the backbone of America,” Webb mocks the strict, conservative values of anti-soccer supporters all throughout his work. In essence, Webb took the road of indirectly insulting the opposing party instead of producing points in support of his own opinion. This strategy works because it demonstrates to the audience how foolish the opinions of the other side are.